[Badmadafakaa]

be me

be sophomore in college

spring break

decide to go to San Francisco with a few of my bros

I had this one buddy, we'll call him Dave

Dave was a fucking wildcard, this dude would do just about anything for a laugh

In San Francisco after an awful red-eye flight.

Go clubbing every night, having the time of our lives

Eventually our trip was coming to a close, and we only had a couple more days left in San Fran

Decide to go clubbing again, for the third night in a row

After a few hours of clubbing we were pretty freaking inebriated > Finally decide to wander back to our hotel for the night

Begin to stumble back to the hotel, having a great fucking time

We are suddenly approached by one a San Fran's finest, a frighteningly emaciated meth addict hooker.

We are not interested in acquiring vanareal diseases from a crack whore, continue to walk

As we were about to walk by, this hooker said something that I'll never be able to forget

"I'll bet each of you boys ten dollars that you can't shit on my face"

Dave immediately takes her up on the offer, me and the rest of my friends are too drunk to care

Hooker takes us all down to an alley, then proceeds to lay down with her face upwards

"Okay try to shit on my face"

Dave goes first.

Dave pulls his pants down and exposes his bare ass

Just as he's about to pinch a log off onto this meth addict whore's forehead, she blows on his asshole

Asshole immediately shrivels up like a dehydrated raisin, Dave literally can not shit on her face

My turn next

I stand over her face, knowing that my ten dollars is at stake

I squeeze my bowels like I've never squeezed them before, and I begin to feel a massive shit log stirring within me

I had gained confidence, this was my shining moment

Just as I felt the tip of my shit touching the ring on my asshole, a great wind swept up from the prostitute's mouth and instantly closed the gates of my sphincter

Just as Dave had failed before me, I was unnsuccessful in my quest

Hooker proceeds to do the same to each of my friends, not a single one of us can shit on her face

Hooker collects sixty bucks, and we finish our journey back to the hotel defeated

AII of my friends and I quickly forget the experience, except for Dave

Dave becomes legitimately angy that he wasn't able to shit on the hooker's face

Keeps talking about how much he wants his money back

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Next day

Our plane leaves the next morning, so this night was our last in San Francisco

We decide to go around and eat dinner at the cheapest restaurant we can find (after losing our money to the hooker, we decided not to spend much)

Find this nasty "Chinese" buffet

Eat a fuckton of food, tons of really spicy stuff

Decide to go back to the hotel to chill and start packing

We get back to the Hotel, and a look of pure malice crosses Dave's face

"We're going to get our money back"

Apparently the Chinese buffet was beginning to have a serious affect on Dave

Dave runs out of the hotel to go find the hooker from the night before

Friends and I have no choice but to follow

Dave doubles over in stomach pain, still running with the feriocity and determination of a tigress hunting her prey

Dave begins to groan and fart loadly, running even faster than before

Finally arrive at the alley where we met the hooker before

Sure enough, the same meth head prostitute is stading at the same comer

Dave groans through clenched teeth "We want to try and shit on your face again, double or nothing"

Hooker agrees

Takes us back to the same place as before, and lays in the same position

Dave stands over her face as I remain transfixed with #!$%@?

Before the hooker even had time to purse her lips in preparation of closing Dave's sphincter, he began to release an unholy anal terror the likes of which no man should ever witness

Dave lets out a defeaning warcry as legions of liquid shit spew forth from between his fiercly vibrating asscheeks

The hooker's screams of utter terror slowly become muffled as legendary proportions of post-digested spicy asian buffet cover her face and chest

The shit continues to flow forth as the floodgates of hell remain open

Hooker attempts to protect her already scat-buried face with her hands, which are quickly pushed back by the force of Dave's anal explosion

Finally, Dave's ass slowly putters and flarps itself to sleep

Dave turns around, bare ass quivering from the after affects of what can only be compared to a nuclear blast in order to assess the damage

The Hooker is literally covered from head to toe in shit, with a smell reminiscient of the prison cells in Auschwitz

She's not even moving anymore, she just lays still, put into shock by the force of Dave's shit

Dave turns to us with a serious expression on his face.bare ass still exposed to the breeze

"Holy fuck I've killed her"

The pavement around the hookers head is also drenched in shit, giving the appearence of a grotesque brown halo

Dave quickly pulls his pants back up, and we all sprint away from the alley

Still don't know what happened to that hooker, or if she even survived

#pasta #heheszki #takbylo #coolstory #wtf #divy