- _ and a bit more salt...
- Mmm, what a nice smell, Maciek, what'cha cookin?
- Water.
- Such a festive mood! We always had water at Christmas Eve. Father had been collecting snow to a basin 2 days earlier. And the aroma! What did you add?
- Salt.
- Classic one. We'll have such a feast!Pokaż całość

- Fuck, another pig. What happened in here?
- What happened...? We were flying with secret load - we had no idea, what are we handling - when aliens attacked. Whole crew died. I was very lucky - they raped me a bit and then left. They got distracted by tape player.
- What happened next?
- They started drinking, after getting drunk eventually forgot what they came for, and invited me to join the party. Holy fuck, the things that happened here: booze, hookers, lasers... Oh, did you know, that female kurvinox has not only three asses, but also... Oh, nevermind. Suffice to say, that it was rich. After one week we were out of booze. Actually we still had bath salts, but after Jacob kicked off, we dropped carefully. Pizza after typhoon - gotta try this. And everything legal, for free, at Star Fleet's cost. The vote for Jachaś wasn't wasted.
- Hurry up!
- The circle gave me second wind. "The secret load?", I wondered. I went down the hold, broke the seal, opened the reinforced door, and there's le-dick. I though to myself "Damn, I'm really thrashed, I'm seeing le-dick".Pokaż całość

Starfleet Admiral: Fuck, Bomb, are you deaf or fucking? I said no, no!
Captain Bomba: Fuck, admiral, she's a fucking fagot!
Starfleet Admiral: I don't know, I didn't look in his ass. (to intercom) Give us the torpedo standard bearer here. (Ensign Torpedo enters the office)
Torpedo ensign: Hi, Bomba, you fucking hoops. We are working together from today!
Captain Bomba: How dare you call me a punk, fucking twat! My ass is as tight as after washing! And your mother is a dick!
Ensign Torpedo: Fuck! I'm resigning! I will not work with a dick! (leaves the office offended)Pokaż całość

- What's our Code of Honour saying about it?
- Hmm, just a second. We can help them to find the lair of Kutnaplet, known in our noble language as Doobaa, if they grant us two wishes! Marty, we got any wishes?
- Sure we do, for fuck sake, who's gonna dig the latrine pit? Our Code of Honour forbids such things! We are shitting in bushes like animals.
- Agree! You'll dig the latrine. And another?
- Hmm, this will be harder.
- A baloon maybe?Pokaż całość

-Damn this lamb is spicy, he must have added shit load of sauce. Radek, you want mine ? I'll go back and grab a falafel
-Damian, for fuck's sake, I promised to your mother that I'll cure you out of homosexuality. And Radoslav Mayweed keeps his word. We'll be going to football matches, storming brothels and eating kebabs until your ass will be used only for shitting
#kapitanbomba #captainbombPokaż całość

"One weenie was very thin, while the other was fat as a pig. Although pig's bite might hurt, the wounds from hazel are the one that takes longer to heal."

#captainbomb #kapitanbomba #heheszki

- All right, Cunty, so tell me now, which welder would you use to weld thin sheet: stick welder or MIG?
- Ummmmm, well, ummm, I mean, Jesus... Stick one.
- GOOD
- For real???
- For real I will take that MIG right now and smash your stupid loaf, so you learn what is it for! Carving thin sheet with a stick is like Fromasstofacesaurus railing a human female. At firstPokaż całość

- It's covered sooo fuckin well. No way to see that's a trap.
- Uh-huh. And it's supposed to be natural, that there's a circle of sticks, out of nowhere, in the middle of meadow? It's obvious someone was tinkering here. For fuck's sake, I was working my ass off here with this shovel. No way something will fall into this!
- Whatheva, Remmy. You're as good in hunting as whores in poetry. Gimme at least three reasons to loiter like this.
- Can't see a shit, noone's walking here, I'm cold. Should I keep on it?
- Well, yeah, it is a bit fucking freezing. But we need something to eat. All right! Just toss a bit of millet as a bait…
- Vic, fucking hell, I can't take it! Who the fuck eats MILLET?Pokaż całość

- I'm betting triple sawbuck
- Nick, that's all we've got
- Chill Matty, I know my game
- I'll raise. Triple sawbuck and another one
- I'm doubling down
- Nick, you're gonna ruin usPokaż całość

In the days o' lang syne, over seven dicks, over seven rivehs, nearby the Gubalovka, liveth Tomislav Apolonius Curus Bakleda Farell, like dis blowin heateh. One day Tomislav went o' the hillside an' though:

Fuckin Christe, now that's fuckin 'nough! How long can yae chow tis fuckin' sheep cheese! It ain't tasty, it ain't lit, an' so bollocks pricey! And yo' sure to shite yerself next day, cause it's formed wit dirty

Pokaż całość

- Alfonso, Castel Gandolfo. We are meeting, like every other week, to talk about business. Fish prohibition is a good time for illegal fish dealing. You might ask, how's it goin? It's not good. Actually, it isn't bad either. You could say it's decent.
- I guess it's awesome?
- Of course it's awesome! Am I right, Castel Gandolfo?
- One boy was born with an average dick, while the other onePokaż całość

Ale to jest głupie xD
I ten bomba brzmiący jak z typowej amerykańskiej reklamy
#captainbomb

znalezione na zagranicznym discordzie (｡◕‿‿◕｡)
#kapitanbomba #captainbomb #humorobrazkowy

- Good morning, Galak Pizza here
- Greg, you ordered something?
- No
- What surname is on the receipt?
- Yyy...oh fuck, I'm busted...think Michael, think for fuck's sake...popular human surname...Cunt
- Hold on...damn it Greg, you've told me you're not drinking anymore but there is your surname on the receiptPokaż całość

- How's going there, boy? How do you find that job?
- Well, it's pretty cool. Not raining on my head, nobody's shooting from laser at me.
- Boy, I will keep it short: working time's 8 hours, contract work, 12 dollars per meter. During one hour you can make one meter, maybe one and a half. I'm leaving the math to you.
- Oh no, that's enough! After 6 years he's "kindly" giving me 10 dollars, but to the stranger with no experience he's offering more from the start!
- Are you that innocent? Gimme a breath then!
- I'm sorry.Pokaż całość

- I told you, Bogus, only electrical fence.
- And here we go again. I'll be fucking dead with this fence shit soon. Go fence yourself, Pietrzykovsky. He railed his trees like in concentration camp, enslaved them, it's no wonder that mirabelle plum ain't giving fruits.
- Look who's talking, the specialist who isn't even spraying his plants. Half of the cherries get eaten by the birds, half by worms, the rest gets stolen by thieves. Why the fuck do you even need that orchard? But it's fine, fine, the starling gets full with cherries and he's not thinking of the mirabelle.
- Because your mirabelles are shitty. Tough and sour.
- Now you've done it. Call my wife a whore, call me a prick, I will forgive. You don't like the electrical fence, your business. But stay the fuck away from mirabelles or I'll kill you!
- TOUGH, SOUR AND SMALL.Pokaż całość

- Bogdan, the Star Fleet is having a shooting fest in the garage, while you are sitting there and drinking all day, you had to assemble an anti-theft system, so the Luc won't take the Opel, WHAT KIND OF MAN ARE YOU?
- You whore. For sixteen years the guys at work were laughing of me right in my face, that I haven't eaten you to seal these eggs, and the workPokaż całość