[Guru_z_gor]

Self delusion

Good liars are good because they are good at lying to themselves. If they convince themselves, who know it’s a lie what chance do the rest of us have? At some point in a guy’s life he will date girls that live a train wreck life. A life that’s all about going from crisis to crisis to crisis. Everything is a series of victim scenarios. Everything is out of her control. Most guys see this as a cry for help and want to help her out. What a poor sob story. Guys want to save girls from themselves like it’s instinct!

Soon, captain save-a-ho, becomes her next sob story. He is the evil man for the next poor bastard who wants to save her, all aboard! These train wrecks chew men up and spit them out and guys are great liars. We prefer to think we are different. We prefer to think she wants to be saved. She doesn’t want to be saved, you’re just a good liar.

She isn’t actually crying, she’s just a bad liar.

Self-deception. There is no lie, if we believe it ourselves, there is nothing to detect. ‘My truth’ is the nuclear device of interpersonal dynamics. And some of the best ways to deceive one’s self is to focus on subjective feelings. Women have a better built brain for this. Ideas go from limbic-brain instinct to communication and then to frontal lobe processing. They believe things after they have been communicated so that they only believe things to be true when the social group has approved it as an acceptable truth.

The belief that she dated the bad boys and is tired of the hot sex is a real thought. She really believes it. The guy who has an interest in believing it will believe it. How can he not? He wants it to be true, the congruence is there: her body language, her speech, her feelings. Everything is screaming honesty. There is no lie to detect. There is no reason to doubt her sincerity.

The nice guy who buys her flowers, takes her to the dance and treats her like she is made of porcelain enjoys his little narcissistic fantasy. She believes she isn’t lying, and he wants to believe it as well. If he believes the thing he knows is a lie, who is anyone to tell him otherwise?

The story is as old as time. He conquered her demons and saved the princess from the evil bad boys. She repays with loyalty and fidelity for the rest of his life. It’s true, for the year they get married. In the next year, sex is great because she wants a kid. Once all her success is in place, her sex trophy and her security are taken care of, she feels that he was boring. And she believes this now as true.

"He treats her badly" and is overly controlling. She believes that with every fibre of her being, and everyone else wants to believe her. This is how so many men become horrible abusers of women without so much as a harsh word. He knows this isn’t true because she is a bad liar.

Advertising professionals know this stuff all too well. In the beginnings of the advertising industry, people tried to ask customers what they wanted and then tried to deliver it. It failed horribly. It turns out people don't know anything about themselves let alone what they want. It’s not that they are lying, it’s that they don’t know. Social signalling — the belief in their own lie — feelings and selfdeception get in the way. People can’t be honest about their wants if they tried. That is why it works so well. If you had asked a dude in Seattle what he wanted, the last thing he would say is that he wanted mediocre coffee priced higher than anywhere else in cup sizes that sort of sounded Italian. Yet when he wants a coffee, he heads to Starbucks.

People don't know what they like. They don't know how to be honest.

They only know how to signal in group preferences and justify their own instinctive drives and behaviours. The feeling goes from the limbic brain to the communication device then finally to the thinking part of the brain. Your truth is what appeals to your in-group.

This is why a single mom is so adamant that your masculinity hinges on your ability to take care of her kids. In any sane world, no one would want to spend money fixing someone else's train wreck of a life. But Karen the single mom and an increasingly large amount of her support network ensure that everyone knows it is praise-worthy for you to do just that. Women don't really believe that, but they deceive themselves into believing it. They thus get very good at convincing you to do the same. You want to believe it because everyone around you calls you a wonderful man, until you were abusive and controlling.

This is why a spinster in her late 30s is adamant that there’s no good men. She doesn’t need no man and her job is what makes her attractive. It’s not her fault, it’s everyone else, and this is as true to her as the knowledge that the sun rises in the east.

Girls in more advantageous positions know it is a girl coping with her decisions. She believes it completely. Guys who have problems locking onto good looking women buy into the lie and eventually save her from her train wreck life, until they aren’t.

Most women have a phase in their life where they chop off their hair. They ask friends and family if it is a good idea, to which most people will cheer: "You go girl!" They believe she is hotter with a pixie cut, she believes it too. The only people who don't believe it are the kind of men she would otherwise be interested in her looking feminine. Gaggles of girls who believe it will work hard to deceive others into believing it too. That is just how it works.

Her friends like that she took herself out of the ‘hottest girl of the group’, but they believe in their heart of hearts that they were helping. People fall into three general categories when it comes to the deception/detection spectrum. There are: the self-deluded, the clueless, and the losers. The clueless go along with the self-deluded, because the self-deluded have conviction. They are the payoff. The evangelical preacher who just made millions off his mega church did so because he believed his lie, and the clueless believed it with him. The single mom who gets her meek new husband to take care of her kids just made a comfortable life off of the clueless Masculine Patriarch™.

The self-deluded are the winners. They make themselves believe something that benefits them. They convince themselves, then they convince the clueless. Did you get knocked up by some hot guy who left? Then the nice guy to take responsibility is the best thing a man can do. Did you get too old to land hot dudes anymore? Then the guy with a great job who worships the ground you walk on, dad bod in tow is the best kind of man there is. Is your kid going to school every day and you want to get out there and find a fun man again? Then that gentle man who took care of you is abusive and you never liked him anyways. And everyone believes them, because they are obviously not lying. Be aware that we all have self deception to some extent, just make sure the lies you tell yourself benefit you in the end.

#redpill
#malzenstwo
#klamstwa
#zwiazki