[maxver]

#pcmasterrace #konsole #pasta #angielski #peasants

My teenage son got caught with an Xbone. Am I a miserable failure as a father and human being?
Last Tuesday, at about 9:30PM, I got a phone call from the local PD. My son was one of four teenage boys in a vehicle that was pulled over for suspiciously obeying all traffic laws. The police did a routine search of the vehicle, and while they did not find any drugs, alcohol, or weapons, they did find a paper grocery bag containing an Xbox One and over a dozen games. My son admitted that it was all his. They made him stomp on the console and fling the games off into the woods, gave him a warning, and called me.
While I am grateful that they didn't cite him for peasantry in a school zone, which they easily could have, I have to admit that I feel like I am responsible for this in some way. As a father, one likes to imagine that his kids are somehow better than those other kids that you hear about messing with Playstations and crap, but that is not always the case. There were warning signs with my son, and not only did I miss them, I dismissed them.
In all honesty, he has probably been playing consoles since he was 12. I remember one time I took him his ritalin for the all-night LAN party he was #!$%@? in at his dirty friend's house over in the shantytown across the railroad tracks, and they were playing Halo on Xbox 360.
"But Dad! It's a console exclusive! There's no other way to play it!"
How could I say no? He would be ridiculed and that damage to his ego just was not worth it to me at the time. I let him stay.
Fast-forward a couple of years, and I catch him sneaking an Xbox 360 controller into the house. When I confronted him about it, he was ready with his excuses: "It's for PC, I promise." "You really need a controller for GTA." "Lots of people use controllers for Fallout." Etc.
I let it go.
But then other things started happening: his grades started falling, his vocabulary shrank, he started wearing hats at stupid angles and calling people "bro," he lost interest in girls and hygiene. He stopped programming, started reading Twilight, and I swear to God that I once heard Limp Bizkit coming from his room. One of his friends even told me that he told a joke from Two and a Half Men at school.
I ignored all of this, but I justified it at the time because I got all 260 of my Skyrim mods working and looking glorious at 1440p.
One night, however, I caught him red-handed. I walked into his room and saw that he was playing Dark Souls, and something was off. The refresh rate and resolution: it was blindingly bad. I reprimanded him.
"Did I raise a moron? Google DSfix and fix that crap."
He just grumbled. I walked over to do it for him, and he attacked me. He hit me in the jaw, and then started pounding me in the face when I was on the ground. I managed to subdue him with some secret ninja moves I learned in my special forces days and found, to my horror, that he was not even playing on his PC; he was streaming from an Xbox! I zip-tied him to his bed and ransacked his room looking for his peasant stash. He laughed maniacally, and said I would never find it. I looked him dead in the eyes and said: "You have brought dishonor on our family. You will not move from this spot until you tell me where it is." He stared back and did not say a word. I punched him in his stupid face and ransacked the house looking for the Xbox. I found it hours later in the toolshed, rigged up to a wifi adapter and a car battery. I destroyed it right there, went up to my son's room brandishing the smashed piece of outdated filth, and said, "Never again." I left him tied up there for three days to prove my point.
Six months passed without further incident. He straightened up, quit drinking Monster, all that shit. I thought I had done my job, but no. I just gave him more of an incentive to hide his console habit.
Then this happened, and the proof is incontrovertible: my son is a peasant. And now I am at this crossroads: is my son a peasant despite me, or because of me? Did I push 1080p on him too early? Was that 9800GT on his 6th birthday really for him, or for me? Am I to blame for all of this?
No. It's all his fault. Hail the master race, my son can die in a ditch.