• Roma fans greet players with 50kg of carrots at a training session f... (@marcelus)

• Roma fans greet players with 50kg of carrots at a training session for being shite.

• South African Tokyo Sexwale to stand for Fifa presidency

• Arsenal's Alexis Sanchez victim of magic as Peru fans curse him with tortoise

• Are there good white soccer players?

• Asamoah Gyan holding press conference to deny he used rapper as human sacrifice

• Would there be a big controversy if hypothetically 11vs11 balls started to play with one human?

• Bacca mother: i would hit neymar wit shoe

• Shaqiri: "One time I was injured at Inter and Mancini sent me to a miraculous healer in the mountains. Didn't help me at all. At Stoke we've got seven physios."

• Hernanes on celebrating after scoring against his old club- "It was the saddest backflip of my career"

• Dele Adebola: I do not have Ebola

• Steven Naismith playing with Daryl Janmaats penis

• Zlatan apologizes for calling France a shit country

• Neymar father orgy barcelona

• Rolando Wins Ballon d'Or 2014

• "Balotelli is very nice, but he used to pee on our boots" - Kerlon

• I am not Hazard's mother - Guus Hiddink

• Buddhist monks behind Leicester City incredible start, claims Vardy

• Marco Pappa of the Colorado Rapids allegedly stabbed by Miss Washington USA last month

• Ronaldo: I miss the big cute bear Ancelotti

• Tottenham’s Mauricio Pochettino: Dele Alli will learn if treated as naughty son

• Lasagna scores an injury time goal that will be hard to digest for Inter fans (Inter-Carpi 1-1)

• Benitez sacking not announced yet because the area for press conference is occupied for a kids party

• Pep: "We have options in defense - Badstuber, Neuer or sweet, sweet boy Kimmich"

• Michail Antonio is no Homer Simpson, says West Ham boss Slaven Bilic

• Russian top cop: gay pride parades have made French police weak and unprepared for mighty, manly Russian hooligans

• Russian MP: "I don't see anything bad in the fans fighting. Quite the opposite: well done our lads!"

• Daniel Sturridge admits to spraying fragrance on kit before games and enjoying smelling of strawberries

• Slaven Bilic on Big Sam: "The players will respect him. He’s a big man. He’s Big Sam. You see him on the television, he fills the screen. You are looking for the board with the sponsors names behind. Where have they gone? You can’t see them."

• PSG's stambouli making decision about Popsicle move soon.

• Victor Wanyama confirmed his move to Spurs while speaking to inmates at Kamiti Maximum Prison in Kenya.

• Tokelo Rantie dropped from South Africa national team for farting at the coach: "The flatulence was so suffocating that the putrid stench continues to hover over the team like a dark cloud."

• Liverpool defender Ragnar Klavan: 'Jurgen Klopp sent me a selfie to prove it was really him'

• Harry Redknapp says he wants to sign Benoit Assou-Ekotto for Birmingham City, but the player wishes to be a pornstar.

• Shkodran Mustafi: ""I have spoken with Mesut, he told me everything. It was all very positive and I was quickly convinced, because I find the club horny"

• Leroy Fer on accidentally buying a €30,000 horse: "Sh*t I've got a horse"

• Mino Raiola on Twitter:DONNARAIOLA x HATERS 1-0 What's next?

• Gianluigi Donnarumma: "The fans throwing dollars at me? I didn't realise they were dollars, I only noticed later. It all didn't affect me much though, because I'm focused on the Euros."

• Porto claim they've access to emails which confirm Benfica spent €70k on witchcraft last season to help them win the Liga

• Mike Ashley: "I am not Obi Wan Kenobi in charge of the Death Star"

• Sven: 'Why can I not have more than one woman at once?'

• Rangers legend Paul Gascoigne claims he used to touch Les Ferdinand's penis before England games

• Gabriel Jesus was surprised how different was fart in the Premier League, says that there is one player in Manchester City that likes to show his naked ass to the other players and Kevin de Bruyne is the most playful, Kevin de Bruyne loves to say "Porra, caralho"

• 50,000 Chile fans set to protest against Alexis Sanchez's girlfriend amid 'fatter than normal' claims

• Darius Vassell: ‘I felt as if the goat looked at me just before it was sacrificed’

• Neil Warnock on Asensio's injury: "I hardly have hairs anywhere. My daughter can’t believe how smooth I am."

• Isaac Success was arrested following the Southampton game after an argument with four prostitutes in a hotel. He refused to pay them as he could not get it up after drinking two bottles of Baileys.

• Dick Advocaat (Dutch NT coach) last week: "Sweden won't win 8-0 against Luxembourg". At the moment, Sweden is leading 8-0 against Luxembourg

• Theo Hernandez in controversy after celebrating his 20th birthday held at gunpoint by dwarves in Real Madrid kits

• New Bayern coach Heynckes at press conference: "My daughter and my wife advised me on my decision. Then my dog Cando barked twice and the deal was sealed."

• Nathan Redmond: Pep Guardiola did not call me a wanker

• Lukaku looking at 3-match ban over Bong hits

• Carles Puyol slapped by dildo wielding fan in Russia after World Cup draw

• Moise Kean's father claim Juve owe him farming equipment in exchange for a contract with his son

• Messi on his sons: "Mateo and Thiago are very different. Thiago is a phenomenon, more good and the other is just the opposite, a son of a bitch."

• Franck Ribéry tells a fan to "go and eat his grandma's ass"

• Balotelli asked some of his colleagues (Neymar, Boateng, Falcao and others) to record a video where they call his brother a liar because he wouldn't admit his FIFA defeat

• Saudi Player faces jail time for dabbing

• Farhad Moshiri on Why Romelu Lukaku didn’t sign a new deal: “during the meeting (with Lukaku over a new contract) he said that he had to call his mother, who was on pilgrimage in Africa and had seen a voodoo who said he had to go to Chelsea”

• Burnley Boss Sean Dyche has a gravel voice because he eats worms says former team mate

• Cameroon star Clinton N'Jie tries to read news about himself online, accidentally livestreams sex video.

• Wayne Hennessey is 'desperate' to learn about the Nazis, says Roy Hodgson

• Roberto Martinez: “Eden’s ass is his center of gravity. He can use it to get out of one-on-one situations”

• Di María: "Memes hurt us a lot, going to the psychologist helped me"

• Patrice Evra: I went too far when I sucked the toes of a chicken

• Adil Rami: "After the World Cup Final, the President of Croatia looked at me and said 'nice moustache'. And I told her, 'I love Mykonos'. I don't know why, I've always confused Greece and Croatia."

• Firpo ready to apologize for tweet wishing that Messi dies

• Felipe Luis’ Flamengo unveiling interrupted by moans played from journalist’s phone

• Griezmann: "When I'm on my bed, I start to visualize how I'm going to play with Messi and how we are gonna score goals."

• Marko Pantelic on a grabbing incident with Luis Suarez when celebrating a goal:"We jumped on top of eachother in the corner of the field, when my hand landed on Luis his butt. For fun I grabbed him by the balls. It was broadcasted on live tv. Luis laughed about it, it's part of football banter"

• Crouch "Before the CL final we went karting. I get to the turn, and I say to myself, "I'm going to brake," except my brakes are loose, I saw Xabi Alonso and Kuyt in front of me, and I asked myself the question, "Who is the more important of the two?" So I ran into Kuyt.

• Marquinhos on marking Messi while dealing with diarrhea: "It wasn't easy, no it wasn't"

• Mario Balotelli to be questioned by police after 'paying man to strip down to underpants and drive moped into sea'

• Lago Junior: My wife has me by the balls, she marks me like Sergio Ramos

• Ferland Mendy on Marcelo: "We haven't seen each other without shirts yet"

• Ferland Mendy apologises and explains his Spanish isn't that great after liking a tweet calling for Lucas Vázquez to be deported

• Falcao on Uruguayan defender Giménez: He drove me crazy, asked questions. What car I had, why the flags of Ecuador, Colombia and Venezuela have the same colour and whether September was written with a P or not.

• Ligue 1 Conforama will become Ligue 1 Uber Eats from the 2020-2021 season.

• Jerome Boateng will play an alien in Men In Black 4

• Juventus chairman Andrea Agnelli says a European Super League will help football against threats like Fortnite

• Redknapp backs Pochettino: “There are clubs in London who are having a terrible time. Why shouldn’t he go to Arsenal if he wants to? You think the Arsenal fans wouldn’t love him there? If you go in there and start winning football matches, they would have taken Saddam Hussein in there when he was about, the fans don’t give a monkey's! If you start winning every week, they’re singing ‘there’s only one Saddam’."

• Conte: "I explain to the players how they should have sex ... in the periods of competition, the intercourse should not last long and they should be on the bottom."

- Pique about Manchester : "I had very dark episodes there. I ended up in the police station more than once. It's better not to touch my time as a young man. I rented the flat to Sir Alex, and bought a rabbit and destroyed it. The rabbit bit all the furniture, everything. When I left he called me outraged"

#mecz #pilkanozna #heheszki #strefabeki

PeterFile

29.11.2019, 18:51:42

• Falcao on Uruguayan defender Giménez: He drove me crazy, asked questions. What car I had, why the flags of Ecuador, Colombia and Venezuela have the same colour and whether September was written with a P or not.

@marcelus: zawsze śmieszy xDDDD