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  • 1
A Turk, a Frenchman, and an Englishman are traveling on a train.

The compartment gets warm, so the Frenchman opens the window and a fly buzzes in. Wanting to show off, the Frenchman swiftly draws his sword and with one strike, the fly is split in half. As the others look on in amazement, the Frenchman hands out his business card, which reads: "France's Best Swordsman."

Seeing this, the Englishman opens the
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  • 0
One day Joe comes home to see a big ass gorilla on his roof. Joe goes inside and Googles "Gorilla Removal Services" and sure enough there's a guy in his area, so he calls him up. A little later a guy rolls up in a van and he's dressed in a full-on realistic-looking gorilla suit.

The guy starts taking stuff out of his van to get ready and Joe is a bit
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A blind woman got on a bus. Sadly, all the seats were taken.

A man noticed that no one else on the bus was willing to give up their seat for the blind woman, so he kindly guided her to his seat and took a standing spot. As the bus started up, the man frowned at the others for their selfishness.

Later that day, the man came home in tears, covered in
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  • 4
A gynecologist had become fed up and was burned out, he decided to become a mechanic.

He went to the local technical college, and learned all he could.

When the time of the practical exam approached, he prepared carefully and completed the exam with tremendous skill.

When the results came back, he was surprised to find that he had obtained a score of 150%. Fearing an error, he called the Instructor, "I
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  • 0
In Ireland there is a tradition that holds that a dying man may ask one last question, and that it be answered truthfully.

Seamus had come to the end of his days; his time on this planet was short. Gathered around him was his wife and his four sons. Three of his sons were fine, tall men but the fourth...wasn't. Aiden was a bit scrawny, and quite thin. Seamus says to his
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A horny gorilla sees a lion bent over a small stream, taking a drink

The gorilla runs up behind the lion, grabs on, and has his way with him. The gorilla then takes off running, with the very angry lion on his heels. As they run through the jungle, the gorilla gets a bit of a lead, and sees a British safari camp ahead.

The gorilla enters the camp, grabs some khakis
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  • 2
So there's three guys in the woods and they're walking and they find a genie lamp. They rub it and the genie pops out. He goes I'm going to grant each of you three wishes. The first guy without thinking says, I want a billion dollars. Poof, deposit slip, billion dollars in the bank. Awesome. Second guy, I want to be the richest guy in the world. Okay, so poof deposit slip,
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  • 2
A dwarf was drinking in a bar, when a sexy blonde walked up to him and said "Ive always wanted to have sex with a little person"
The dwarf replied "Im sorry, but Ive had women say that before, then I go home with them and the husband or boyfriend finds out and I get beaten up" "Its ok" said the woman, "my husband is working away until next week" So, against
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  • 5
"Woman with large vagina"

A woman goes to a gynaecologist for an examination. She gets up on the examining table, her feet up in the stirrups, in position to be examined. The doctor looks between her legs and says "My, what a large vagina. My, what a large vagina. My, what a large vagina. My, what a large vagina". The woman asks "How many times must you say that?" The doctor replies
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  • 1
A lady lost her handbag..

It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her.

Looking in her purse, she commented, “Hmm, that’s funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 note in it. Now there are 20 $1 coins.”

The boy replied, “That’s right, lady. The last time I found a lady’s purse, she didn’t have any change for a reward.”

#kawalzreddit
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  • 0
A butler is cleaning one of the guest rooms in a mansion when the lady of the house walks in.

She fixes him with an imperious gaze and cocks one arm on her hip "Charles," she says, "take off my dress."

The butler swallows hard, but he knows his duty. He puts his hands on the buttons of her dress and starts to undo them, one by one. More and more skin
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  • 3
Two men and a woman are stranded on an island after a plane crash...
... Resourceful, they waste no time, build a house, find food and water, and globally have it good. After one month, the woman goes to the two men and says:

"Okay guys, let's be frank. I have my needs, you have your needs, let's do it. We'll take turns, one day it's you", she says to the first
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A mailman walking down the street saw Little Johnny playing in a pile of shit.
He had it between his fingers and smeared over his body.

The mailman asked him what he was doing and Johnny looked up and said "Making a mailman.”

This pissed the mailman off. He went up the street, saw a fireman, and told him what the boy was doing and what a smartass the kid was. The