[enslavedeagle]

Przysłali mi ciekawego maila z serwisu Quora.com, ostatnio dużo spamują mi pocztę różnymi popularnymi postami, żebym kliknął i poczytał. No i ten wydał mi się szczególnie interesujący - czy ludzie bezdzietni będą samotni na starość? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Odpowiedzi są bardzo ciekawe, aczkolwiek wcale nie zaskakujące. Niemniej delikatnie burzą narrację dzieciorobów i natalistów o samotności i szklance na starość. xD #antynatalizm #childfree #bekaznatalistow

Let me tell you a story. I have two sons. I love my boys more than anything. I have spent the last 20 or so years living my life around theirs— trying to support their interests, guide without controlling, accepting their challenges while celebrating their amazing individuality.

On his 18th birthday, my older son talked to me on my way to bed. We laughed about some videos he’d been watching. Very normal chat. When my other son woke me a couple of hours later, my older son was gone, and I have not spoken to him since. It’s been six months. He’s alive and well and living in another state with some strangers.

You probably think I’m leaving out the abuse or something. Nope. He just left. We got along great. No explanation, other than a short note that he wanted more independence— though, I never told him what to do, other than to go to school.

By now, I’ve packed up his things. He’s gone. I don’t expect he’ll come back. That period of my life is over.

Another story, just a month or so before my son left, my mother died. I spent her last months with her— changing her diaper, feeding her. She’d had a stroke the day after I’d brought my sons to see her after learning she was ill. I spent the next three months or so alternating with my brother, caring for her.

One of our brothers, who lived nearby, did nothing for her. One managed her financial affairs. We traveled there from different states and lived with her.

My point is that, maybe, if you’re reallllly lucky, your kids will be there for you at the end. Be nice to them. It’s the luck of the draw. Had my one brother been in charge, she’d have lived out her final days in a hospice, surrounded by strangers. […]

If you’re having kids for any reason other than the experience of raising children, you’re fooling yourself. […] You should count yourself lucky if they call you now and then when they’re adults.

It’s a crap shoot. I’d say focus on building friendships with people who will stick with you. Build a social life. Get involved in your community. If you want kids because they’ll “have to take care of you when you’re old” save yourself a LOT of expense and hassle and make some good friends instead. It’s a better bet.

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Here’s a news flash: If you live past a certain age, you will find yourself lonely at times, ten children or none. I personally have two: one is living four hours away, and we see each other four-five times a year, and the other is in college and living at home, but will soon be gone to live his own life.

Having these two wonderful beings does not mitigate the fact that I have lost a great mom, a great dad, and a great brother, and many great friends, and am now without any of my core family. […]

[…] For me, cultivating younger friends (advice from my dad) helps. […]

It will, of course, be other things for other people. However, if you don’t learn to manage loneliness, it will take over your life, children or no children.

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I only know what I see. My brother had a son. He ran his life to offer the kid the best education, home and example possible. The kid did well in school and has chosen a career That takes him away, even when he visits he hardly spends time with dad.

My sister due to health and bad husbands had no children, but she has a wonderful group of close and devoted women friends.

My brother has Alzheimer's and is slowly fading away, his son drops in a few times a year. Soon he will be unable to care for himself and my sister and I will look after him. So much for kids.

Honestly, my childless sister gets a lot more support, and companionship, from her friends than my brother gets from his son.

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Actually, you will also get lonely in old age even if you have kids.

They will have their own life and hardly come to visit you, unless for special occasions or when you are sick.

[…]

At this moment, you will find that your situation is not at all different from that of child-free group. Even worse than child-free people who live in a solid and closed community. They have their support system which is as reliable as your blood.

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I have been asked this very earnestly by people who worry I will die alone.

I have always known I didn't want to have children, and have been very open with friends and family when they have questions.

[…]

Years ago, my husband's beloved grandmother was in the hospital with cancer. She had 2 grandchildren and 3 step grandchildren, all of whom lived in a different province from her. She rarely got visits from them, though they loved her very much. […]

You see, she was known as ‘Granny Franny' and kept an open door policy for all the neighborhood kids. […] Everyone in the area knew her and loved her.

When it came time for her to be in the hospital, she was very sick. […] When we would go, she always had other visitors, especially this one lovely family who had pretty much adopted her over the years. They would bring her ice cream and sit with her as much as possible, read the newspaper, whatever she wanted.

One of the things that will always stick with me is seeing the other 3 older ladies she shared the space with. All the ‘rooms' were made by fabric curtains, but some of the patients liked to keep theirs open during the day so they could see what was going on, who was coming in, etc. They would always look so hopeful when we came in, but quickly realize we weren't there for them. It was heartbreaking.>

When Granny Franny passed away, her funeral was packed with sobbing people, but her immediate family was a very small portion of that room. I remember thinking, “she made her family.”

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I don't get lonely, nor do I get bored. I live alone with my mutt, and I have no neighbors. I have the only residence on my road, and I love the peace and solitude. The only time I see people is when I make the 10 mile trip into town.

[…]

I grew up in the ultimate dysfunctional house that you can imagine. I decided early on that I'll not have a family until I was able to provide for them in every way that they deserved. Financially, emotionally, spiritually, socially, ect…

And that never materialized. So here I am, decades later, alone, but not lonely.

And not having a family allowed me to retire at 53. That was a year ago, and I'm lovin' life.

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Go visit the retirement/nursing home. Ask the old people there where their kids are and how many times their kids come to visit.

The joke that is popular among them is: if your kids start visiting you weekly and stay longer during visits, it means you are dying soon n the doctors maybe didnt tell you. Lol

[butterfly]

@enslavedeagle: o panie, tyle tekstu? ヽ( ͠°෴ °)ﾉ nie chce mi się czytać( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

[enslavedeagle]

@butterfly: to załącz se jakąś apkę czytającą, czy coś ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[SuperTimor435]

@enslavedeagle:

Niemniej delikatnie burzą narrację dzieciorobów i natalistów o samotności i szklance na starość. xD

Niczego nie zburzy. Dla natali to za dużo tekstu

[tarushiba]

@enslavedeagle: Dlatego tak mnie dziwi jak ludzie wyskakują z tym, że będzie się samotnym na starość, jeśli nie ma się dzieci.
Sama widzę wiele przypadków gdzie starsi ludzie mają dzieci, a są sami.

Ja przykładowo nie wyobrażam sobie nie pomóc ojcu na starość. Mimo, że mieszkam w innym kraju, to zamierzam go do siebie zabrać, gdy będzie taka potrzeba. Mamy kontakt prawie codzienny, jest moim tatą i przyjacielem i nawet nie

[tarushiba]

Niczego nie zburzy. Dla natali to za dużo tekstu

@SuperTimor435: Nie tylko za dużo tekstu, ale w dodatku po angielsku ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[Zgrywajac_twardziela]

@enslavedeagle:
Każdy kto miał "starszą" rodzinę z dala od swojego rodzinnego miasta ten wie, że Ci ludzie są tak samo samotni przez 350(przeważnie w wakacje się do takiej rodziny jeździło na tydzień lub dwa) dni w roku jak Ci bezdzietni ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Ravenek]

@Zgrywajac_twardziela: znam też osoby, które wyjechały daleko od swojego rodzinnego domu właśnie dlatego, żeby nie wracać częściej niż dwa razy w roku ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[Faraluch]

@Zgrywajac_twardziela: nawet jak mieszkasz w tym samym mieście i masz duuużo silnej woli i chęci, to ile jesteś w stanie zapewnić, zwłaszcza osoby co mają dzieci? Co dwa dni odwiedzić na pół godziny plus dojazd to już sporo czasu zmarnowane, a i tak starzec siedzi sam jak palec w mieszkaniu z telewizorem przez 90% czasu. Dla starych ludzi najlepiej jakby codziennie ktoś kilka godzin z nimi siedział i gadał bo nie